I came home one night with a goodie bag of choco mint truffles.
“But they’re not for eating,” I was told. “When you open the bag, you’ll see.”
I opened the glossy brown packet to find five heart shaped moisturizing bars wrapped in silver foil. The refreshing scent of mint, cocoa and vanilla wafted up my nose.
I unwrapped one bar and let it glide on my arm. Mmm… just perfect for “me time” and special spa days.
I put back the foil wrapping and slipped the bar back into the packet, I wanted to reserve them for when I want to feel extra luscious.
That night as we were all settling down to sleep, the hubby asked if I could scratch his back. It was an old quirk he carried since childhood, he would feel sleepy much faster when his back was being scratched.
As I started running my fingernails slowly down his back, an idea came to me, “Want to try my massage truffle?”
“Really?” he asked, almost dumbfounded.
It took me a few seconds to realize, it had been ages since I last volunteered to give him a massage.
“Yeah, it’s just like lotion and it smells yummy too,” I said as I took out one heart-shaped truffle.
I began massaging his back and remembered all the times I used to do it for him, almost every night.
“You know what really hurts?” he then flipped over and stretched out his legs, the ones battered after his latest race.
My hands were already tired but what’s a few more minutes? Besides, I could see he was feeling more relaxed.
The truffle was getting smaller and smaller as I swiped and kneaded, swiped and kneaded.
“You know, you do a much better job than the therapists at the nail salon or even Nuat Thai,” he said. I faked a smirk but I felt that he meant the compliment. It wasn’t the first time he said it, but why didn’t I do this for him more often?
“Full body massage?” he asked.
Why not? I put a pillow under his head and massaged his temples.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
By the time I was done kneading all the pressure away, he was feeling good, relaxed and more than ready to go to sleep.
I looked at the tiny heart-shaped truffle at the center of my palm, thankful for the reminder to be extra thoughtful that night.
After several years of being together, I guess we are way past the phase of giving expensive chocolates on Valentine’s, extravagant gifts on holidays or elaborate bouquets on anniversaries just to make each other happy.
Sometimes, it’s the little things that matter most, even on ordinary days.
Note to self: Want to make your hubby happy? Just be thoughtful and go the extra mile.
The mistake we often make
Before marriage, it was easy to be thoughtful especially when your loved one is all you could ever think about.
You celebrate anniversaries, monthsaries even. And love letters mysteriously find their ways in to bags and pockets.
But after the honeymoon is over, the boy has got her woman and the girl has got her man. Both of you ease into married life, and all of a sudden it’s not just about the two of you anymore.
There’s work to be done, bills to pay and a house to keep. Not to mention, when children enter the picture, the to do list becomes almost endless.
At the end of the day, you’re tired not just from the physical exhaustion but also from the worry, pressure and anxiety raising a family brings.
Monthsaries are forgotten, the love letters stop and anniversaries are not celebrated like they used to.
And even if you didn’t mean to, your mind loses space for the person who used to occupy almost every cell of your brain.
You think less about him. And sometimes, you forget.
I’m here to tell you, it’s okay. These things happen. What matters is you become aware when the thoughtlessness sets in.
Pray for passion. And return to thoughtfulness again.
What is thoughtfulness?
One afternoon, my girls and I were having a cookie picnic in the playroom. As they were busy munching away, I slipped out of the room to get a bottle of ice cold water from the kitchen.
“Mommy…?” Jamaine called just a few moments later.
I entered the room and handed her the bottle.
“How did you do that?” she asked.
“How did you know I wanted water? Did you read my mind? Mommy, you can read minds!”
Funny how I often know what my babies need and they think I have some sort of mind reading ability. It made me wonder if I’m still intuitive with my husband’s needs in the same way.
While being thoughtful doesn’t require you to read minds, it also goes beyond remembering special dates and occasions.
Being thoughtful is about staying tuned to our partner’s needs and fulfilling those that we can without being asked.
More than just thinking about them, we tell them, show them and let them feel that they are on our minds — even if it’s no longer every second of every day.
Of course, this begins with us being in tune to and fulfilling our own needs because it always creates a ripple effect.
When we get good at meeting our own needs, we get good at meeting the needs of others.
How do you show thoughtfulness?
While grand gestures of thoughtfulness are much appreciated, they are not always required.
Random acts of kindness, the ones I don’t expect to receive, give me the fuzziest feelings inside.
So this week, think of random and simple ways you can show thoughtfulness to your partner daily. You can pick one or two things to do for each day. I can already see you making a positive impact on your relationship.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Give him a surprise phone call “just because I missed you.”
- Tape a note at the bathroom mirror that says “You’re gorgeous” or “You’re hot.”
- Slip in a love note or two inside his wallet.
- Set an alarm in his phone with a love message.
- Make your own spa set up (think scented candles and essential oils) and give him a massage.
- Steal a kiss.
- Buy something you know he needs but never had the time to get himself.
- Take him to a dinner date because you declared that it’s his special day today.
- Initiate sexy time.
- Add your own here __________________
In the comments below, I’d love to hear what thoughtful things you plan to do for your husband this week. Do share your ideas and I’ll update this list.
I’m pretty sure we can learn a thing or two from each other when it comes to demonstrating thoughtfulness, so feel free to type as many ideas as you can.
I’m so excited to read what you have in mind.
Thank you so much for being here and for sharing the love.
Thinking of you,