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Want to make your husband happy? Do this

Want to make your husband happy? Do this post image
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I came home one night with a goodie bag of choco mint truffles.

“But they’re not for eating,” I was told. “When you open the bag, you’ll see.”

I opened the glossy brown packet to find five heart shaped moisturizing bars wrapped in silver foil. The refreshing scent of mint, cocoa and vanilla wafted up my nose.

I unwrapped one bar and let it glide on my arm. Mmm… just perfect for “me time” and special spa days.

I put back the foil wrapping and slipped the bar back into the packet, I wanted to reserve them for when I want to feel extra luscious.

That night as we were all settling down to sleep, the hubby asked if I could scratch his back. It was an old quirk he carried since childhood, he would feel sleepy much faster when his back was being scratched.

As I started running my fingernails slowly down his back, an idea came to me, “Want to try my massage truffle?”

“Really?” he asked, almost dumbfounded.

It took me a few seconds to realize, it had been ages since I last volunteered to give him a massage.

“Yeah, it’s just like lotion and it smells yummy too,” I said as I took out one heart-shaped truffle.

I began massaging his back and remembered all the times I used to do it for him, almost every night.

“You know what really hurts?” he then flipped over and stretched out his legs, the ones battered after his latest race.

My hands were already tired but what’s a few more minutes? Besides, I could see he was feeling more relaxed.

The truffle was getting smaller and smaller as I swiped and kneaded, swiped and kneaded.

“You know, you do a much better job than the therapists at the nail salon or even Nuat Thai,” he said. I faked a smirk but I felt that he meant the compliment. It wasn’t the first time he said it, but why didn’t I do this for him more often?

“Full body massage?” he asked.

Why not? I put a pillow under his head and massaged his temples.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

By the time I was done kneading all the pressure away, he was feeling good, relaxed and more than ready to go to sleep.

I looked at the tiny heart-shaped truffle at the center of my palm, thankful for the reminder to be extra thoughtful that night.

After several years of being together, I guess we are way past the phase of giving expensive chocolates on Valentine’s, extravagant gifts on holidays or elaborate bouquets on anniversaries just to make each other happy.

Sometimes, it’s the little things that matter most, even on ordinary days.

Note to self: Want to make your hubby happy? Just be thoughtful and go the extra mile.

The mistake we often make

Before marriage, it was easy to be thoughtful especially when your loved one is all you could ever think about.

You celebrate anniversaries, monthsaries even. And love letters mysteriously find their ways in to bags and pockets.

But after the honeymoon is over, the boy has got her woman and the girl has got her man. Both of you ease into married life, and all of a sudden it’s not just about the two of you anymore.

There’s work to be done, bills to pay and a house to keep. Not to mention, when children enter the picture, the to do list becomes almost endless.

At the end of the day, you’re tired not just from the physical exhaustion but also from the worry, pressure and anxiety raising a family brings.

Monthsaries are forgotten, the love letters stop and anniversaries are not celebrated like they used to.

And even if you didn’t mean to, your mind loses space for the person who used to occupy almost every cell of your brain.

You think less about him. And sometimes, you forget.

I’m here to tell you, it’s okay. These things happen. What matters is you become aware when the thoughtlessness sets in.

Pray for passion. And return to thoughtfulness again.

What is thoughtfulness?

One afternoon, my girls and I were having a cookie picnic in the playroom. As they were busy munching away, I slipped out of the room to get a bottle of ice cold water from the kitchen.

“Mommy…?” Jamaine called just a few moments later.

I entered the room and handed her the bottle.

“How did you do that?” she asked.

“Did what?”

“How did you know I wanted water? Did you read my mind? Mommy, you can read minds!”

Funny how I often know what my babies need and they think I have some sort of mind reading ability. It made me wonder if I’m still intuitive with my husband’s needs in the same way.

While being thoughtful doesn’t require you to read minds, it also goes beyond remembering special dates and occasions.

Being thoughtful is about staying tuned to our partner’s needs and fulfilling those that we can without being asked.

More than just thinking about them, we tell them, show them and let them feel that they are on our minds — even if it’s no longer every second of every day.

Of course, this begins with us being in tune to and fulfilling our own needs because it always creates a ripple effect.

When we get good at meeting our own needs, we get good at meeting the needs of others.

How do you show thoughtfulness?

While grand gestures of thoughtfulness are much appreciated, they are not always required.

Random acts of kindness, the ones I don’t expect to receive, give me the fuzziest feelings inside.

So this week, think of random and simple ways you can show thoughtfulness to your partner daily. You can pick one or two things to do for each day. I can already see you making a positive impact on your relationship.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

  • Give him a surprise phone call “just because I missed you.”
  • Tape a note at the bathroom mirror that says “You’re gorgeous” or “You’re hot.”
  • Slip in a love note or two inside his wallet.
  • Set an alarm in his phone with a love message.
  • Make your own spa set up (think scented candles and essential oils) and give him a massage.
  • Steal a kiss.
  • Buy something you know he needs but never had the time to get himself.
  • Take him to a dinner date because you declared that it’s his special day today.
  • Initiate sexy time.
  • Add your own here __________________

In the comments below, I’d love to hear what thoughtful things you plan to do for your husband this week. Do share your ideas and I’ll update this list.

I’m pretty sure we can learn a thing or two from each other when it comes to demonstrating thoughtfulness, so feel free to type as many ideas as you can.

I’m so excited to read what you have in mind.

Thank you so much for being here and for sharing the love.

Thinking of you,

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8 comments… add one

  • romela April 5, 2013, 3:00 pm

    Now that we’re soon to be parents, I’m worried I would have less time for my husband even if I want him to be on top of my priority list. So last night before he got home after gym, I left a love letter on the table telling him how much I appreciate his goodness towards me despite pregnancy hormones; and assured him that I will try my best to make him #1 even if we have 0-nth number of kids :) I am pretty certain he is as anxious as I am at this stage in our married life, and I could sense he might feel left out once the baby is born.

    Surely after reading my letter, his love tank went full and responded with an even more caring and thoughtful attitude towards his wife :)
    romela recently posted..Waiting (Im)patiently: 37 weeks!

    • Optimommy May 2, 2013, 5:47 pm

      I love how you said “his love tank went full”. Now I remember how I used to write letters for my hubby too.

      I completely understand your worry about having less time for your husband. But I can feel that you can overcome it, if not totally avoid it. Just the fact that you’re thinking about it now, I can tell you’ll do your best to make sure all of your “babies” — big and small — will feel loved. ;)

      Thank you so much for sharing your insights Romela! Sending you good vibes for a healthy, safe and easy delivery.

  • Patty April 20, 2013, 7:05 pm

    My husband is a master at thoughtfulness. In fact, while he was waiting for me to finish the Blog Inspired workshop this morning, he saw a cute note pad in Fully Booked that he knew I’d like (I LOVE to collect notebooks and note pads), and he bought it for me as a “wala lang” gift. He makes me coffee every morning. He even wipes the toilet seat with alcohol after he uses it because he knows I don’t like it when it’s dirty!

    He’s much better at this stuff than I am, so when I do little things like stick a post-it with a short love note on his lunch box, or clean his eyeglasses for him, or put salonpas on his arms and legs when he gets crampes, I can see how much it means to him.

    This is a great post, Jayme, and something that I really feel we should constantly remind ourselves to do for our significant others. :)
    Patty recently posted..Why Do YOU Blog?

    • Optimommy May 2, 2013, 6:03 pm

      That’s so sweet of him! Kudos to your man for being such a thoughtful and considerate guy. But I believe in “love begets love”. So even if you say he’s much better at this than you, I have a feeling you’re giving him so much more love than he could ever ask for.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts Patty!

      P.S. Super love to collect notebooks too! ;)

  • Sha April 27, 2013, 9:11 pm

    Thanks for the tips, Jayme! Most of the time we forget to give time to our partners because we are too busy doing our task as a parent. It’s been awhile since I gave my husband a good massage, I think I have to do it tonight! Ako naman, I used to stick notes on our cabinet saying “I love you” hanggang ngayon andun lang yun naka-kabit, hindi tinatanggal ng husband ko unless malaglag na ng kusa. Those are the simple things na nagpapakilig sa asawa ko. And we try to go on a date on a Friday night, kahit simple dinner lang sa mga fast food. That’s what we used to do to keep the fire alive. :)
    Sha recently posted..Another Year Gone By

    • Optimommy May 2, 2013, 6:26 pm

      “Most of the time we forget to give time to our partners because we are too busy doing our task as a parent.”

      Agree! I even had this thinking before that my husband is a grown man so he can take care of himself, in the meantime. But of course, we vowed to take care of each other too so no excuses. ;)

      Super cool that you try to go on regular dates with your hubby! And yes, kahit simple lang, it’s the time you spend together that that counts.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Sha and see you soon!

  • Lyn May 8, 2013, 4:21 am

    This is a wonderful and a much-needed reminder for me to show love and care to my often neglected husband…poor guy :( I am gonna hug him and tell him how much he means to me after I finish with this comment.

    Please continue what you’re doing, Jayme. Wives and moms (and the world as a whole) need positive and inspiring people like you. You can touch hearts more than you can imagine.

    Thank you!
    Lyn recently posted..Why I Want You To Be Rich: The Untold Story of Rapunzel

  • Theresa June 12, 2013, 5:37 am

    I used to have a crazy job which requires me to work (or at least think about it) 24/7. You can just imagine what it could have done to our home life had it not been for my hubby’s patience and thoughtfulness. Now that I live a more decent life, I have more time to think about my hubby and do the little things that make him happy. We’re still at the “extravagant gifts” phase but I think it certainly won’t hurt to do the small but meaningful things as well. So to start the ball rolling, I will cook his favorite breakfast and serve it in bed. It has been a while since I’ve done that and now I’m really excited. :)

    Anyway, I stumbled upon your blog in one of the other mommy blogs that I follow, and I am so glad I did! Thank you for your inspiring posts. :)

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